So I know I kind of abandoned this thing.

And I don't really have the best excuses. Other than this might have been one of the strangest semesters, ever. I have a completely new life plan. I am overwhelmingly excited about it but I am also slightly nervous.

So here's basically what happened: I came to GWU thinking that I would be able to go through a five year program here for education. The only problem is that because I want to do special education, I cannot pursue an education in education (hehe) at GWU. Which propelled me to start looking at other schools. My counselor was worried that because my grades aren't the best, I wouldn't be able to get into another school, which made me stressed, not to mention the stress of applying to colleges and the stress of being in college. So my new plan is that I am taking a semester off. This way not only can I apply to college without having to worry about school, I can get a job.

Which I have. I'm going to be working with Americorps for the next seven months as an assistant teacher at a Catholic school.

I am unbelievably nervous, but at the same time extremely excited. This just makes sense. I am working towards something I really want to do and that makes me stay on task and focused, more than I ever have been before.

That does mean I'm leaving GWU, which is sad, but at the same time, I didn't have the greatest semester. I was often isolated, and the stress from everything often overwhelmed me.

I am just so happy to be back on track.

And yes, I will be trying my hardest to update this thing.

Introspection

ok so.
I haven't really updated this in a while.

I don't know why, I can't give you guys a good reason. I haven't been in the writing mood for a while I guess.

So Roxanne has been living with me for the time being, while my parents and broman are out of town. Otherwise, I have a feeling she wouldn't be here, just because my parents don't have the best opinion of her. I don't really know how that happened, but it did. She left last night though, so now I have the house all to myself. Not that it really matters because I am currently working two jobs which will be keeping me out of the house for a good 12 hours today. lovely.

Her love life is a whirlwind that I can't keep up with. Honestly, I'm glad I found Kyle when I did, just because it makes life a little less complicated. And oh yeah, I love him. That little thing.

School starts in about two weeks, I am unbelievably excited about that. I just really want to be there now, I love the city, I love the people, and I finally have a real reason to be in school which is what I'm most excited about.

Ok, well that's the surface of my life pretty much. But I've been thinking lately, a lot about my past and and how much I've changed since then. So, just what follows might be a slightly self absorbed rant but it's really something I need to get out of my head and into words. I was talking to Roxanne about it last night, but I'm so much better at getting my thoughts out in writing than I am at spoken word, so I figured I'd get a little bit of it out here.

First off, I think I'm going to quit weight watchers. I love the program and I love how it has changed the way I think about food, and my attitudes about it. The only thing is that I tend to get obsessive and neurotic about things. And I've begun to do that about my weight. It used to be like this. I would look in the mirror and see this disgusting, unlovable thing staring back at me in the mirror. I didn't know who I was and honestly, I hated that, and therefore, I hated myself. I think I suppressed that for a while but now its back and its back in full force. Well, not completely. I can believe that I am a smart, well rounded person with friends. I used to not be able to do that.

I know this sounds whiny and angst-filled, and it is. Kind of. But this is just the way I perceive myself. As I said, I was able to control it. I actually saw myself as pretty, and what not. But now, I don't know. I've fallen back into this self-loathing mold, and what scares me the most is I know exactly where it can take me. It's taken me there once before and I cannot go back there again. I cut off all ties. I didn't really let anyone get close enough to know me, because honestly, I didn't think I was worthy enough for anyone to get there. But I let myself let Kyle in, and that was the best decision I ever made.

I think though, that constantly watching what I eat has consumed me. It has switched my brain back on, in a way, and I really don't want that to happen. I want to be able to be happy again. So I might at least take a slight break. Clear my head. I'll still eat healthily, but before I can control what I eat but not let it take over my life, I think I need to step back and re-evaluate.

Sorry this was so depressing but I needed to get this out.
<3

Funny How Things Work Out

South Dakota was one of the best experiences I've had in quite a while. Everything about it just went so smoothly, I think that's what I l iked most about it. Any problems that we encountered- and we did encounter quite a few- were handled before the group could get into crisis mode. Basically, it was smooth sailling all week long. The kids were managable simply because they were in a classroom setting, which I think motivated them to learn, at least somewhat. We all worked together as a team and we really reached out to the community which is, I think, the true reason why we go out.

When you think about it, how much are we really doing out there? Groups go out all the time. And a week's worth of tutoring really isn't going to get a little kid too far. So I think as much as setting up a learning camp is fun and helpful in the short term, what we're really doing out there is forming bonds and relationships, breaking down the boundaries that had been put up in the past. If we can change at least one person's opinion of us, I think that we've done our job well.

I think what solidified this for me was when we saw Zach at the pow-wow we attended on Friday night. Zach was a cousin of a teenager on the reservation that we knew really well, Brandon. Brandon and Zach would come to our camp everyday to help out with the kids and maintain order in the camp. They also formed "relations" with some of the girls that came out. Zach fell madly in love with one of the girls who came out my second year, but she already had a boyfriend back home and I think she was just using him. We didn't hear from him for quite a while, and we heard that he had gotten involved in gangs and whatnot. So we're at the pow-wow and there is a man sitting in the group next to us that we think we recognize. He has tiny baby and he is dancing with it around the circle. We are about to leave when we realize who it is. It's really amazing how things resurface and get better.

I have one more thing I want to talk about. I've been rolling around in my mind what I want to do with my life and what I want to major in. I thought I wanted to study Psychology but that fizzled, so I started concentrating on History. Something just didn't feel right though, mainly because I didn't see a lot of concrete career options coming from it. When I saw that Katie, a good friend of mine who has been going on the trip longer than I have, is going to do Teach For America and the inspirational ways that she worked with the kids, I realized that what I really want to do is teach. I love kids, I love working with them, and as much as it would be trying, I also know it would be extremely rewarding. So I'm switching my major to Education, with a possible minor in history, and I think I'm going to concetrate on Special Ed. I think that working with kids one on one is what I really want to do.

Well, that's it folks. More later!

Eating: Bean and Cheese Nachos
Drinking: Water .Listening to: Buffy is on downstairs
Thinking: That 12:01 can not come soon enough
Feeling: Exhausted but at the same time really excited

Ok.
So this is the plan.
I am packing/eating dinner/watching Buffy right now. After packing is finished, I'm driving over to Timonium to partake in the Harry Potter Festivities! This morning I woke up at 8:15 (after going to sleep at three AM, yes, we are brilliant) and waited in line to get a wrist band. The way it works is they give out these wrist bands all day. If you get orange (the first color) you are one of 150 people who get to purchase their books first.

Guess who got a orange wristband?

So yeah. After I get my book and drive home, I am hopefully going to sleep. I say hopefully because I might be too tempted and read the book tonight. I really hope that doesn't happen because I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow to go to the airport.

I am going on a service trip in South Dakota for a week. You probably won't hear from me until next Sunday, but lots of pictures and stories will ensue. I 've been going on this particular trip for four years (this is my fifth), but this one is special for a couple of reasons. (LIST TIME!)

Reasons Why This Particular Week of Hou Kola Summer Camp is Special
1. We are staying in an air conditioned building. And no one has to sleep outside.
2. We aren't cooking our own meals. We were going to but arrangements were switched around, and now we don't have a kitchen to cook in. We get to eat at a local diner every night.
3. We are all going to my grandmother's house for dinner on Tuesday. I love my grandma and she cooks the best food ever so pretty much, I am unbelievably excited.
4. I am going with Laura, one of my favorite people ever. We were separated last year and that was horrible. Never again!
5. Becky is leading the camp. She has a much more laid back style and our personalities mesh really well.

There are so many other reasons and honestly, overall this has always been the highlight of my summer.

I have more but I'll talk later. Back to packing!

First Post=Dance Party!

Eating: Just had a Kashi bar
Drinking: Coffee, with a tiny splash of milk and splenda.
Listening to: 100.7 the bay
Thinking: That this shift is feeling espeically long
Feeling: Not awake.

Hello world.

My name, at least here, is J. Ho. First letter of my first name, first two letters of my last name. Hehe, it works out pretty well. And no, I am not implying that I have ho-like tendencies, that just happens to be my name and I think it's kind of funny.

I am a college student, looking to major in History but who knows.

Right now I am working in my home town at an athletic club. It is unbelievably boring working here simply because I sit at the front desk and do absolutely nothing. But now I have something to do, which is kind of the point of this blog. A lot of the time it will be composed of my boredom-induced rambles, which may or may not have a point.

If you don't like that kind of thing, leave now.

Well that's really it for the preliminaries. Also, don't give me a reason to restrict who reads this blog. Thank you.

Right now I am at work. I have to wake up at 4:30 to get here at 5:45, it's kind of ridiculous.

The few nice things about opening, however, are as follows:
1. As opposed to closing, I have the whole afternoon to sleep
2. Morning shifts are usually shorter
3. I am always compelled to work out after my shift.

The few nice things about working at the gym in general are:
1. I have no excuse to not work out
2. There are a bevy of attractive people who work out at the gym.

Reasons why working at the gym sucks:
1. WAKING UP EARLY. Oh, and the fact that there are a few people who sit in their cars waiting for you to get there at 5:45. If you are one of those people, stop it.
2. Closing. I don't understand people who come in 20 minutes before the gym closes, promising me they'll be out right at 10, and then expect me to wait for them.
3.Some of the people here bother me slightly. Not going to get into it though.
4. I am always compelled to work out after my shift. (this is the extreme lazy part of me talking)

If you can't tell, I like making lists. Organized and what not :)

Well. I think that is it for me today. There will probably be another one tomorrow, so look out for that!
Love,
J. Ho

PS. Top format thing (eating, drinking, listening) was stolen from my dear friend dori. you can check out her blog here: http://butterflydorienne.blogspot.com/